Stepping into My Life by Mary Beth Tracy, RN

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My trauma started when I was very young. It was severe and lasted a long time. My family was abusive and I never experienced the “innocence” of a child. I grew up afraid of my own shadow and always felt like I was missing something. I forged ahead and got on with life going through the motions feeling scared and empty most of the time. I had irrational reactions to many everyday things such as stopping at a railroad track to let a train go by. I walked around with my ears plugged, and couldn’t be alone in any room of the house anytime of the day or night. I always slept with the light on. As a child, I thought it would all go away when I was older. As I got older, I found different ways to cope with it all. I kept burying it deeper and deeper. I went to college and left home as soon as I could. I practiced behaviors that sabotaged my successes, engaged in self-destructive behavior and had trouble having relationships with others. I sought talk therapy out and started making an effort to see how to become whole. I went to traditional talk therapy for years, probably about 10 years in total. I learned a lot about myself. I was fortunate to have caring, motivating therapists. They facilitated and I did the work. It was long and hard but I did see results. During this time I remembered all that happened to me as a child and young adult and it seemed like the well of trauma and issues had no bottom. These events played themselves out in my everyday life.

When I look back now I see that talk therapy helped to prepare me for what lie ahead. I had reached a point where I was functional enough to feel like I fit in. I had always made a good living and appeared to have it together. I was in a long-term relationship and from the outside everything seemed ok. In truth, I still felt empty and couldn’t quite move on in life. I was stuck. In a rut. I had no energy to continue to talk about it. My relationship was falling apart after 12 years. I was feeling more neurotic than ever and I was in a strange city without my support system that I knew so well. I needed help. I had heard of NLP and thought it sounded interesting. I wanted to learn more about it. I met Mirtha and Pat at the Whole Life Expo, introduced myself and asked some questions. I went away thinking it was something I might try. My life continued to fall apart and I grew more miserable and scared. I fell into a crisis and needed to reach out. I felt lost and hopeless. I had no control in my life. I tried using some techniques I had learned to clear my chakras and heal myself but nothing was working. My relationship continued to die and it seemed like it was the end. I panicked. I couldn’t bear the thought of talking about all this stuff again, telling another therapist all the horrible things that happened to me. I didn’t want to rehash it yet again. I made an appointment to have a NLP session to see if it was something that I could benefit from and to see if I clicked with the therapist. The first session lasted about 2 hours. It was intense and very different than any other kind of therapy I had participated in. We worked on prioritizing my value system, stating what my dreams were and the obstacles I believed were in front of me. It all made sense even though I wasn’t sure how it would all help me. I was learning about myself and what was most important to me. I felt comfortable with Mirtha. I continued to go and after awhile (a short while) I started to see changes in myself—deep changes. Things I wanted to change for a long, long time but never seemed quite able to.

My relationship of 12 years ended and it was devastating. I finally chose to end it once and for all because it was best for me. I didn’t have the tools to do that prior to my work with NLP. I was able to stay centered in the reality of the relationship and not make decisions based on how desperate I felt. That sounds so easy but it was quite the contrary. I had been letting go of situations and people all my life. I could not bear the thought of letting go of him and of being alone. It became obvious to me that that was the best decision. It was a dramatic, tumultuous ending. Even though I was hurting to my very core, there was a certain strength and love for myself I felt that was never really accessible to me before. With NLP, I had reached the traumas that lied so deep inside of me and disconnected their power source. I was able to face the sadness and loss and begin to rebuild my life without feeling completely empty and hopeless. That was so new for me. Those two emotions had always been part of my everyday life. I had resigned myself to them, not anymore.

The longest NLP session I ever had was 3 hours. During the sessions I would identify circumstances or feelings that were no longer useful for my personal success or emotional health. I didn’t have to relive them or talk about them. We only talked about them if I wanted to. Instead, through NLP techniques usually involving creative visualization, I would heal the wounds and stop the unhealthy behaviors related to my traumas of the past. I was always fully conscious and engaged in the process. The changes are insidious, I leave with a good feeling. Within days or a few weeks, I would notice that I am reacting differently to situations, taking better care of myself, and avoiding crisis situations. One of the most amazing parts of it for me is how ecological it is. My changes are timely and gentle. The old destructive unhealthy behaviors don’t return. There is no need for them any longer. I used to need a crisis situation to let myself know I needed help. I no longer wait until I am in crisis to ask for help or figure things out for myself. That is a huge welcome change for me. I am able to look at myself from a healthy objective viewpoint with most things and see what I can do on my own and what I may need help with.

NLP is goal-oriented. When I call and make an appointment, I know I am going to identify the source of what is causing me to act or think a certain way and change it for good. I have also learned certain techniques myself through my sessions. I am able to practice some of those techniques and help myself.

I feel better than I ever have. My demons don’t haunt me anymore and I am able to make healthy choices and develop healthy relationships with others. The best part is that for the first time in my life, I am a real part of my life. I see the world so differently. I am more engaged and feel like the world has opened up for me. I am no longer dodging bullets from my past. It is in the past where it belongs and no longer has the power to stop me from becoming all that I am. I have healed from the break up of my relationship and have put it in perspective. Now I spend my energy living in the present and making a future for myself.